27th November 2006

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Daughters who lost their mothers in early childhood have often become “the forgotten mourners,” research by a University of Ulster psychologist shows.

Dr Anne Tracey, who lectures in psychology at the Magee campus, said society must give more attention to the effects of family death on children. Her plea follows a five-year study of the experience of women whose mothers died when they were youngsters. Many encountered a pervasive silence lasting many years, caused in part by adults’ inability to cope with their own loss.

“The death and loss of a mother is a life-changing event which filters into every aspect of daughters’ lives as they grow up,” she said. “By opening up now about a silence that burdened many of them into adulthood, these courageous women have at last found their own voice.” Dr Tracey, who is originally from Moneymore, has been awarded a doctorate for her research from the University of Ulster

She found that prolonged effects of early maternal death included difficulties in building trust and relationships, sometimes with a step-mother. At milestones such as puberty, pregnancy, marriage and motherhood, feelings of loss resurfaced, triggering new cycles of grief. “Society must come to a new acknowledgement of the impact of close death on children and we must be more sensitive and responsive in assisting them and their bereaved adult carers.”

Her study is the first in Ireland of the psychological impact of maternal death on daughters, from girlhood into adult life. She interviewed 26 women who lost their mothers before age eleven. They were aged 25–77 and from across Northern Ireland and border parts of Donegal.
“Part of the predominant silence arose because adults were not coping and it came to a point where daughters didn’t want to upset the adults by asking questions. Hence daughters were, in a way, protecting the adults’ feelings.”

Silence included not being told about a mother’s illness or impending death, not being at the wake or allowed to see her in the coffin, or not being taken to the funeral. In some instances, the location of a mother`s grave was not known for many years.

Dr Tracey is concerned that the women’s experiences might mirror that of young daughters today. “Families, schools, communities and the helping professions can all play a part in helping children cope with the loss of a mother or any other significant person in their lives.”

She recommends that bereavement should be developed into the school curriculum. “Schools do not always have a policy about how to handle death. Teachers may not know that a death has happened and even when they do, they may be afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing. They, too, need support in knowing how to cope.”

She said that the women’s clear message was: “Daughters need to know that it is okay to be happy as well as sad. They also need to know that it is good to seek help through a counsellor or trusted friend, if and when they feel ready.”

A chartered psychologist with the British Psychological Society, Dr Tracey is a registered counselling psychologist with the Psychologicial Society of Ireland. Her research was triggered by a long-standing involvement in counselling with CRUSE Bereavement Care - Foyle Branch and her awareness of a gap in research-understanding into parental death, particularly in Ireland.

For further information, please contact:

David Young
Telephone: 028 90366074
Email: David Young