24th November 2008

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Helping young children cope with the death of their mother is the emotive subject of new book published by University of Ulster researcher, Dr Anne Tracey.

Surviving the Early Loss of a Mother: Daughters Speak, examines the experiences of daughters bereaved of their mother between birth and eleven. 

Dr Tracey, a lecturer in the School of Psychology at the Magee Campus, based the book - which is the first of its kind in Ireland - on her doctoral study.

It documents the meaning of early loss as it impacts on the developing child, through adolescence and into adulthood.   Twenty six courageous participants provided insight into the profoundly life-changing event that early loss is, through indepth interviews and focus groups.  

"Early loss and its consequences filter into every aspect of daughters` lives – schooling, puberty, relationships, milestone events such as marriage, pregnancy and becoming a mother.  Early loss survivors suffer from an enduring lack of self-esteem and confidence,” explains Dr Tracey.

"In the aftermath of an untimely death, the emotional wound is compounded by the silence that follows. If a mother’s life and death is relegated to a closely guarded secret within the family, the young suffer as a result.  There is little opportunity for children to re-build a sense of trust or begin to grieve when the death and loss of their mother is not talked about.   

"Adults wishing to protect the young from the pain of loss may do so by ‘sheltering’ them from information, but children wish to be included not excluded from a shared experience of grieving within the family.”

Dr Tracey says that the main message emanating from the book is that children need someone they trust to explain to them, in age-appropriate language, about the death and loss of their mother.   

"Children need to know and they need accurate information to help them to understand what has happened,” she explains.

"However, adults need to consider how they talk with children about loss.  For example, telling a child that their mother has gone to heaven to be with the angels may leave a child feeling confused, perhaps with other questions in their head, such as; why does my mammy want to be in heaven instead of here with me?  how long do people stay in heaven?  when will she be back?” 

Dr Tracey hopes that the book will help to signal an end to silence, exclusion and misunderstanding, and mark the beginning of a new era in which the loss that the early bereaved have endured will be recognised, validated and much better understood in Ireland and elsewhere.

For further information contact Dr Anne Tracey at: ap.tracey@ulster.ac.uk  

For further information, please contact:

Trina Porter
Telephone: 028 71675511
Email: Trina Porter